Mined Like A Diamond

Never Too Early For Fitness

2012-02-07T15:04:00.000-08:00

I make them give me twenty before each meal.

Seabass!

2012-02-07T14:36:00.000-08:00

I love this boy as much as any mother has ever loved a son. I hope to share more about his first days and weeks some other time, but now I'm focusing on his present little self.

Sebastian loves snuggling and laughing, he's super ticklish and LOVES to jump and bounce until everyone's arms are too tired to go on, and he is very determined and will get/reach/grab/chew whatever he sets his mind to.

Technically, he does know how to sleep well and fall asleep on his own, but the past month and half have been tough at night. Colds and teething take a toll on the whole family! So for now he spends a lot of time in bed with mama for easy comforting.

Before long he'll be crawling, but for now he is a champion scooter, sitter, and endurer of pudge-squeezing.

And, yes, we do call him Seabass.

Learning How To Play

2012-01-31T21:11:00.000-08:00

So much has happened in the past year+. And I'm still figuring out how this whole running a house, taking care of two kids, trying to be ethical/green/creative/fun/organized(?)/notcrazy thing is supposed to work. Mainly, I'm really tired ~~most of~~ all the time, but am excited about some new ideas.

I've decided that I want to get back into blogging again for two big reasons: 1) To record, process, and explore some of those new ideas, and 2) because it might be the only place I write down all of the hilarious, miraculous, crazy-making things these kids do.

Next time I'll introduce Sebastian.

Hint: You're gonna love him!

A Long Absence

2010-12-02T13:29:00.001-08:00

So last week we were up in Seattle before Thanksgiving, and it snowed, and we had a good time, and I stopped blogging. One night I was gearing up to get to work on the computer and I felt so tired and uninspired and thought, "Why am I doing this, anyway?" Then I felt obligated to come up with something even so, because it was my fifth November in a row of doing the post-every-day thing and I didn't want to give up so close to the end.

But I stopped anyway. I figured nobody else would care as much as I did, and I found that I didn't care all that much. It would be better to skip a day or two, I reasoned, than burden poor readers with stupid two-sentence updates about the snow in Seattle and what we did that day with our relatives.

And then one or two days turned into 10 and here we are, now. Nothing tragic happened, nothing terribly interesting happened, and I failed to blog every day in November. And I really enjoyed the break, which makes me think it was a good idea. It's December now, and I think December is a great time for reasonably low-volume blogging because there are so many other things going on.

I hope all of you are enjoying this season of travel and parties and visitors and cookies and snow and advent and carols and so on. Peace out.

What's The Point?

2010-11-22T22:10:00.000-08:00

This post is part of Multi Family Living Mondays, a series of articles on co-housing and multi-family living.

I've spent the last several multi-family living posts focusing on a few specific concerns that were raised after my guest post about co-housing went up. Since then, I've done some further thinking about the purpose of writing about shared housing and all that goes with it here, on my otherwise personal and topically random blog. And it's not really because there's a huge group of people out there wanting to know more, or because I want that to become my primary focus, or because I want everyone I know to try combining households with someone else in some crazed mass social experiment.

It is because in our almost-one-year of living together, all four of the adults in our house have grown and changed and been challenged quite a bit by our unusual circumstance, and writing about some of that here is a way of remembering all that we have learned. Another reason is that there are others out there in similar situations - some by choice, but many by necessity. And I can only imagine that it's harder when it's by necessity than when you've made the choice more or less freely. Even though there are nearly infinite flavors of shared housing and combined household configurations, I bet there are some similar issues that come up again and again even for very different people. So this is a place for me to explore some of that, and hopefully serve as a (small) resource for people who are looking for encouragement, ideas, or conversation.

Speaking of resources, a recent comment led me to discover this website, which I have only partially explored, but it has a lot more content about this subject than I have put up so far, and I would encourage anyone who is interested to check it out!

Memories

2010-11-21T20:10:00.000-08:00

We drove up to Seattle this afternoon through the snow. It seemed pretty bad in the middle of the trip, but there's nothing to show for it up here. Maybe it will snow tonight, though.

In response to yesterday's post, my friend Sunny reminded me of the time we went running late at night and came across a hedgehog. We saw a hedgehog or two during a different running excursion and that time we were assaulted by a laser beam coming from a window about 12 stories up in a neighboring apartment building. The laser followed us around the track, and I have to admit it was pretty creepy - it was really dark and we couldn't identify our assailant so our imaginations ran a bit wild. We ended up leaving the field after dodging the little red light and trying to hide from it without success. It was probably just some young kid trying to pass the time, and I hope he had fun, because we quite enjoyed telling the story.

Saturday Song Suggestion

2010-11-20T18:43:00.000-08:00

This week I would like to suggest Rehab, by Amy Winehouse. (Embedding has been disabled.)

This song was super popular my second year in Croatia, and when I hear it I think of the smoky cafes in Rijeka. I drank so many of the tiny lattes they offered, often burnt or otherwise mediocre-tasting, and kind of miss the brusque staff - neither earning nor expecting a tip. One of my roommates that year was Sunny, and for no particular reason we decided this was "our" song.
So, Sunny, this one's for you.

Whoops, Almost Forgot To Blog

2010-11-19T22:32:00.000-08:00

Yeah, this November daily blogging habit can be annoying. Anyway, last night I was chewing some gum when there was a loud crunch. 2 seconds later, I pulled out a piece of a molar (actually just part of a filling). Some inspection in the mirror revealed a large hole near the back of my mouth, but thankfully there was no pain, just a little sensitivity. This morning I placed a number of calls and got the estimated tooth-fixing time down from 3 weeks to this afternoon. They only did a temporary filling today, and it tastes like cloves. The lady who did the work told me the material contains a lot of clove oil. Who knew? One great thing about temporary fillings is that there was no pain - no needles, no drilling, no anesthesia. Yay!

In other news, my mom is in town for a couple of days and Jesse is going to help slaughter some cows in the morning.

So, um, enjoy your weekend!

This Morning

2010-11-18T14:29:00.000-08:00

This morning I found myself alone in the house with Miette - a fairly rare occurrence. I needed both a shower and blog material, and my subconscious decided to meet both needs simultaneously by tossing up the suggestion that I attempt to shower with Miette.

After the last time I tried this, I realize I should have known better, but I figured it might go differently this time since she's a little older. The shower didn't work out very well, but I successfully got my hair washed and nobody was injured. I decided to reward Miette with a proper bath of her own, mainly because it would be fun for her and keep her occupied while I dried my hair, etc.

I hadn't even turned the faucet off yet when she assumed a telltale crouch and a hideous bloom of poop filled the bathwater. I tried not to panic as I pulled her out and rinsed her off, but it was disgusting and we were both wet and naked. After I got us dressed, I set to work cleaning out the tub, transferring substances to the toilet as necessary. Halfway through, I turned just in time to see that Miette had wandered into the bathroom and was at that moment dropping a pair of my underwear into the toilet.

Ahhh, toddlers. What will they think of next?

Grab Bag

2010-11-17T20:56:00.000-08:00

Two interesting, but unrelated, posts about blogging.
An amusing take on National Blog Posting Month.
The minds of dogs, hilariously illuminated.
A lovely birthday party we were able to attend last week. Happy Birthday, friends! Thanks so much for the beautiful evening.

Sick Day

2010-11-16T15:42:00.000-08:00

Miette has an ear infection, Tim's getting over a life-threatening cold, Sara and Jesse seem to be coming down with the same cold, and Calvin may or may not have chicken pox. I'm just lying low, hoping not to catch anything.

Boundaries

2010-11-15T20:21:00.000-08:00

This post is part of Multi Family Living Mondays, a series of articles on co-housing and multi-family living.

I have spent the past few posts related to shared housing responding to a few of the concerns that people have shared about living with others.

One category several concerns could be grouped under is boundaries. For example: in-laws blowing your grocery budget, grandparents ignoring your wishes as a parent, housemates stepping on toes & arguing over the ‘right’ way to run your family/part of the household.

Whether the issue is your kids, your family rules, your budget, or your personal time and space, when someone ignores or tramples on your expectations and desires, it feels crappy. This can easily happen, unfortunately, and more often in families than with friends. Usually, the closer you are in time or space, the more opportunity there is for conflict. Because of this, boundaries are a big deal when sharing housing – no matter who you live with. By setting, discussing, and maintaining healthy boundaries you will greatly enhance your ability to live closely with others in a pleasant and beneficial way.

Not all conflicts relate to boundaries, of course, but it is an area to be aware of. And all kinds of conflicts are most effectively resolved by clear, honest, open, thorough, and respectful communication.

When an issue related to boundaries comes up, it might be because someone is deliberately trying to cross a boundary and offend/hurt/disrespect you, or maybe because you haven’t ever identified or expressed appropriate boundaries, or it might be because they didn’t recognize your boundaries, even if you did communicate them, and simply don’t realize the effect their action has had on you.

Some things to consider:

Are there boundaries in your life that you can think of?
Are there areas in your life (or specific relationships) where you need to consider and set boundaries?
Have you ever had to or chosen to clearly express a boundary to someone?
Are there areas of conflict in your living situation that might benefit from a discussion of boundaries?
Is there a specific area in your life where you feel you need to establish, reinforce, or firmly defend a boundary?

To be honest, I am far from an expert on these so-called ‘boundaries’ and have had to learn (slowly, uncomfortably) the little I know through experience. One book that I’ve heard recommended often is titled, simply, Boundaries, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Again, I haven’t read it yet, but if you are looking for resources, this might help.

What do you think? Did I forget something? Let me know in the comments!

Local History/Blowing Chunks

2010-11-14T14:15:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, a similar scene played out in the living room this morning. Miette was awake and crying for much of the time between 3:00am and 6:00am. Was it her teeth? Her stomach? A sore throat? We didn't know. She kept asking for milk, so we gave it to her, but nothing really seemed to help. Around 8:00, Jesse was about to leave for church. He held Miette and tried to console her for a few minutes while I got some breakfast together when suddenly a deep cataract within her opened on the world and vomit rained down on the carpet below. After we got everything cleaned up she seemed okay and we watched Bob the Builder for a while before taking a nice morning nap. Now she's back to her happy, zany self.

Saturday Song Suggestion

2010-11-13T20:42:00.000-08:00

Because it rocks, even on a cold and rainy day:

Too Close For Comfort

2010-11-12T13:20:00.000-08:00

So Much For Kissing Cousins

2010-11-11T17:11:00.000-08:00

About a month ago Miette started roaming the house declaring, "Bappy! Boppy!" At the time it was unclear whether she was trying to say baby, Bubba, or just make noise. But right around then, Calvin started calling her Boppy. So every morning, and every afternoon when he wakes up from his nap, he starts asking after Boppy. "Boppy? Boppy! BOOOOPPPPPPPPYYYYYYY!" Some days it's more urgent than others. Invariably, she is still sleeping, so when I do finally head upstairs to get her a little later, he often runs to the bottom of the stairs to wait for us. Pretty cute. Usually they have at least a brief joyful reunion before going separate ways or butting heads.

(Calvin also started calling me Lala - something my youngest brother called me before he could pronounce my name. He likes to say it 10 or 11 times in a row while I alternate my responses "Yes?" "Hello" "Hi!" "Yep, that's me" until he gets bored.)

Another thing they've started to do is let out occasional ear-splitting shrieks at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It's even better when they team up for a sort of call and response from hell.

Miette continues to give kisses fairly liberally, but I'm told that last week when Jesse's dad was babysitting she showed some discrimination. She gave Tim and Sara goodnight kisses, but when asked if she'd like to kiss Calvin she violently declined.

Link Fest

2010-11-10T21:05:00.000-08:00

My friend Dan gives his take on Sufjan Stevens in concert here.
My sister Kerri posted some cute pictures of my brother on her blog.
A bizarre SNL skit that I can't quite get out of my mind.
And, finally, a must-see YouTube video.

Perfect Timing?

2010-11-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

A few nights ago, Sara marched into the kitchen declaring, "First one to score is the winner!" She was referring to the football game on television in the living room, and was speaking loudly, with an exaggerated southern accent - which made 'winner' sound like 'wiener'. And saying wiener over and over in a loud voice is pretty fun, in case you haven't tried it.
"The wiener, eh?" I asked.
"Yeah, the wiener! Wiener!" she confirmed.
"Wiener!" I elaborated.
While we had this 'conversation,' Miette wandered into the kitchen and, looking up at both of us, started vigorously pointing down to the floor/her crotch with her index finger.

Of course it was totally a coincidence, but it shocked us enough to stop saying wiener and start laughing.

What About The Kids?

2010-11-08T07:46:00.001-08:00

This post is part of Multi Family Living Mondays, a series of articles on co-housing and multi-family living.

After the guest post at Money Saving Mom last week, one of the concerns that briefly came up in the comments was the risk of exposing your children to abuse by living with other people. I wanted to respond to that concern, as well as expand the discussion to include other kid-related matters.

To begin with, I’ll just repeat what I’ve said many times: BEFORE making the choice to live with additional people, thoroughly consider the health, safety, and general well-being of your family. Be wise, take precautions, do your homework. Additionally, if there is a history of abuse in your life or family that may affect your relational judgment, please seek appropriate counsel and maintain necessary boundaries!

That said, I don’t think that living closely with others needs to be viewed as inherently dangerous*. Just because you live with someone, though, doesn’t mean that you blindly trust in all areas. Your kids are still your kids – be alert, communicate with them, keep an eye out for signs of struggle. As their parent, you are responsible to know how they are coping with the change in lifestyle, to find ways to help them adjust, and if necessary, remove your family from a situation that is harmful or unhealthy.

Try to be aware of:
-How your child is feeling about the living situation
-How your child interacts with other children and adults – are they aggressive, shut down, thriving, fearful, angry, clingy, happy?
-Your child’s ability to express themselves honestly to you

A lot of this may depend on age and personality, but you are their only advocate, make sure that you hear them and that they know they are heard.

Trying to plan for children’s needs can be tricky. It’s important to consider safety, privacy, and storage, and remember that kids’ needs change a lot more quickly than adults’ needs do, so think ahead. Parents in traditional, single-family living situations have a lot to keep up with just watching their own children change and develop – combining households and adding people compounds this.

Practical things to consider in sharing housing when there are kids involved:
-Does everyone have kids, or just one couple?
-If there is a childless couple, are they ready to adapt to life with kids – bedtimes, toys, messes, safety, etc.?
-How wide is the range of ages or developmental stages?
-Where will they sleep, eat, and play?

Sharing housing with other adults or another family has some great advantages for kids, though, so don’t despair!

A few that come to mind are:
- Extra babysitters (or babysitting exchangers) and role models
- Close friendships with other children, who may become like siblings
- Sharing supplies and streamlining systems for similarly aged children
- Opportunities to develop social and communication skills and deep, special relationships with other adults

*Specifically concerning the possibility of abuse, in some ways, living with others may reduce that likelihood – by having other trusted people around watching, listening, and caring and by having alternatives to leaving your children in the care of people you don’t know or trust as well.

What do you think? Did I forget something? Let me know in the comments!

This Week

2010-11-07T15:34:00.000-08:00

Saturday Song Suggestion - Bonus Version!

2010-11-06T14:03:00.000-07:00

The bonus is really that the video is maybe more the main feature than the song, though I like the music, too. (And I really like Jeremy Messersmith in general.)

This is awesome:

Jeremy Messersmith - Tatooine from Eric Power on Vimeo.

via Dooce

Why I Love My Husband

2010-11-05T14:44:00.000-07:00

Early this summer Tim and Sara and Jesse and I had started dealing with some issues that had come up while living together. Tim shared that he had been struggling for a while with the whole sharing a house thing, and we didn't know if we were going to keep trying to make it work or move out. I was feeling really insecure and emotional about the whole thing - just icky and rejected and weepy about it, so one evening Jesse and I went for a walk so I could sort things out a little with him.

After 20 or 30 minutes of incoherent rambling on my part, he looked past my puffy tear-stained face, into my bloodshot eyes, and gently said, "Just remember, Alexis, you are a child of the covenant, whatever that means... And you have a great rack."

Sometimes I don't know exactly what I need to hear, but Jesse really has a way with words, and that day, what he said couldn't have been more perfect.

Get Real Get Right*

2010-11-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

On Friday night, Jesse and I went to a Sufjan Stevens concert. I've been a huge fan of his music for a long time, but haven't mentioned it for a while, and I've never seen him live.

Jesse has asserted that he could poop on a plate and I would find it brilliant. This is something I can neither confirm nor deny... But I will say that I didn't like his newest album quite as well as some of his earlier work. Others are raving about it, though - and it's been on near constant rotation at my favorite coffee shop for weeks - so I may have only my Miette-addled mind to blame for my lack of abject adoration in this case.

Something else that needs to be said is that he is not an ugly man.

Image found here.

Anyway, the show was awesome-amazing-crazy-good. I felt a little sick and had a headache and still wanted the 2-hour set to go on. From what I've heard, this show was more pared down in style compared to some of his other tours (fewer people on stage, fewer bizarre costumes), but it was still nothing to sneeze at. Who else goes from introspective hippie-spiritual acoustic strumming straight to a wild dance-fest featuring shiny silver pants, the running man, neon feather boas, Auto-Tuning and audience members at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall jumping up and down in unison?

In all, I thought I would probably love the show, and I ended up liking it even better than that. If I thought you all would put up with it, I'd probably suggest one of his songs every single Saturday for at least a year.

*Get Real Get Right is a song title. And I couldn't think of a good one for this post, so I just settled on that.

This Just In...

2010-11-03T14:29:00.000-07:00

via Leadership, Technology, Innovation

This made me laugh really hard, and it also made me uncomfortable.

Our Halloween

2010-11-03T13:48:00.001-07:00

This year I had more fun for Halloween (Reformation Day?) than I have in a long time. Tim carved the pumpkin - very Tim Burton-esque, I think.

This could be considered inappropriate, but let's just say that it's cute.

I had absolutely no intention of dressing up, but another family came over and brought a ton of costume stuff, so Sara, Tim and I used some of their bounty. Tim and Sara's costumes are pretty straightforward. Mine... well, even I'm not sure. I just started putting stuff on until I felt like the ridiculous quotient was close to maxed out.

Miette and Calvin put on each other's costumes for a while (okay, fine, we did it to them).
I think she looks good as a turtle.

Jesse used all his own stuff to become... a space cowboy? Wearing Santa pants?

Miette's official costume was borrowed from a friend. It was a little big, but also hilarious.

Both of the kids discovered candy for the first time. We only trick or treated at about 4 houses (Calvin and the others went a little farther) because of course Miette didn't really get it and wasn't having much fun. When we got back, though, Jesse let her have a small piece of chocolate. And then it was all over. She started making little piles of candy, taking it out of the "hand out to others" bowl. Jesse put it back in the bowl, then she started putting it behind her back and other places farther away from Jesse. I guess she liked it.

Turtle power! (Slash chocolate coma.)

Is Sharing A House Going To Destroy My Family?

2010-11-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

Well, that depends. But it certainly doesn't have to.

After reading my description of sharing a house with another family, which focused almost solely on the positives, many people responded with concerns. A lot of these concerns are understandable, and I want to take some time to respond, and open things up for a little more discussion here.

One of the more sensational objections to shared housing was the possibility of encouraging yourself/your spouse to have an affair (due to such close contact with an adult of the opposite sex).

Let's talk about marital unfaithfulness. Some people suggested that living with family would diminish this concern, others felt that it was just as likely to happen with in-laws as with completely unrelated individuals. It was also noted that having a single person live with a family (as opposed to two couples) would reduce the likelihood of this happening. I guess I tend to think that there's a lot (like way way way) more to it than that. And that details like single, married, in the family or not in the family, living together or not living together, working together or not working together, don't have nearly as much influence on the situation as the health of the original marital relationship itself.

Now, this is deep water here, and I'm no expert. I don't have any personal experience with cheating or being cheated on - in dating, marriage, or otherwise. But it really seems to me that if someone is in a healthy, fulfilling, honest and open relationship with their spouse, it would take a lot to tempt them toward unfaithfulness. Again, that's just my youthful inexperience speaking, and that said, there is definitely a place for boundaries and caution.

Ultimately, in choosing how and where to live, I would rely on common sense and prayerful wisdom to steer you away from situations that would, for you, be potentially damaging or tempting. For one, in your initial thoughtful determination to pursue a situation of shared living, I would expect (and strongly encourage) you to include an honest review of your family dynamics and relational health, and a thorough examination of the way that adding more people to the mix will affect those things - people in general, and specifically the people you're considering moving in with.

From another angle, I'd like to argue that living with someone in such close proximity is more likely to bring out their worst traits than to make them more attractive. :-) I do understand that being daily confronted with someone you 'can't have' might lead to temptation for some people. But it also seems like people who are drawn into illicit relationships enjoy the aspects of adventure, escape, glamour, and becoming someone different in that person's presence. When you live with people in a family environment, relationships are as real and mundane as they come.

Just to get really personal for a minute here, my brother-in-law essentially hated my guts for a brief period a while back - he thought I spent too much time on the computer and slept in too late, among other things. I in turn have felt plenty of resentment and frustration toward him at other times - regarding dishes that were left out, him wanting the thermostat too low, etc. (Things that would surely never happen with, say, Johnny Depp.) Now, thankfully, we have worked through the things that have come up so far, we have fun together, and genuinely do appreciate one another most of the time. But at least in our case, even though Tim is not an unattractive man, seeing Tim and Sara's relationship (which is good and healthy) has made me more grateful for Jesse, rather than restless or dissatisfied. Seeing how Tim and Sara work really well together as a couple because of who they are reinforces the idea that Jesse and I are good for one another, because of who we are.

So, bringing it all back around, what do you think? Where do affairs come from? Is shared housing dangerous in this regard? What are some good boundaries and precautions?

Co-Housing Is Controversial!

2010-11-01T16:52:00.000-07:00

Who knew? I, naively, didn't. But the guest post over at Money Saving Mom generated some strong opinions, and it was educational for me to see the range of people's concerns and experiences.

A few of the topics that came up were: affairs, child/sexual abuse, unrespected boundaries in parenting and budgeting, ruined relationships, legal violations, the prevalence of shared housing in other cultures, strengthened relationships, women clashing over how to run a household, personal aversion to the idea of sharing, positive experiences, and more.

I'd like to take some time to consider and respond to some of these here over the next few days and weeks. Right now, I have dinner to serve and a kiddo to take care of, so this short note will have to do!

Our Story: Part 3

2010-11-01T16:36:00.000-07:00

This post is part of Multi Family Living Mondays, a series of articles on co-housing and multi-family living.
(You can read Part One here, and Part Two here.)

Part 3:

About 2 months into our 6-month lease, and about a month after our first baby was born, Sara called me about a house. One of her professors was opening his house up for renters and was hoping to find a young family to move into it.

It was only a few blocks from the seminary where she was going to school, in a great neighborhood close to bus lines and stores. We went to check it out, and it had everything we were looking for – bedrooms on separate floors, two bathrooms, a large combined living/dining room, and a huge kitchen. Plus, the rent was well within our budgeted range!

While talking with the owner, it was clear that he cared a lot about the house (his family had lived there for over 20 years), and really wanted to bless people with it. He agreed to lower the rent another $100/month in exchange for yard work and general upkeep, he waived a security/cleaning deposit in exchange for us cleaning the carpets, and he let Tim and Sara move in two months earlier than we did while paying only ½ the rent, which allowed us to fulfill our lease without any penalties. It was an incredible display of generosity on his part, and it helped us to feel very confident in moving forward with our plans to live together.

One major bonus of this arrangement was the staggered move-in dates. We avoided some of the chaos of two families moving at once, and Tim and Sara were able to get settled in the house before having to adjust to co-housing. For us, it was great to have a little longer to get used to being parents and to let our little family gel a bit more. It also allowed me to keep working at my job a few months longer, which was within walking distance from our old apartment. Finally, our lease was up in December, and since we already had the housing situation figured out far in advance, we didn’t have to scramble during the busy holiday season to find a new place to live.

So that is how we got here, but the real adventures in shared housing hadn’t even begun! Soon, I’ll share more about some of the things we learned early on in our multi-family living experiment.

Guest Post At Money Saving Mom

2010-11-01T07:40:00.000-07:00

A while back I submitted a guest post to one of the blogs I read regularly. Money Saving Mom offers a ton of information on personal finance, budgeting, and specific coupon deals. The post I submitted focuses on co-housing, as that is one way that our family saves money (although that's not the only reason we decided to try it).

I'm really excited to have this opportunity to share a little about our experience and the things we've learned, so head on over and check it out if you're interested!

PS: I'm still planning to put up today's MFL Monday post later this afternoon...

Saturday Song Suggestion

2010-10-30T20:45:00.000-07:00

Book Recommendation

2010-10-29T12:46:00.000-07:00

I just finished one of those books that I enjoyed so much I didn't want it to end. Michael Chabon's The Yiddish Policemen's Union did everything for me that great stories are supposed to. A trusted friend had recommended it*, so when the first chapter or two were tough for me to get into, I decided to give it one more shot, and I'm so glad I did.

It is a deep, zany, moving, grisly, suspenseful, engaging romp through an alternative-history community of Jewish and Native Alaskans. I don't know if this is coming through here, but I LOVED THIS BOOK, and maybe you would like it, too.

*Through Facebook, actually. If this is all Facebook ever does for me, it might just be worth it.

Someone's In The Kitchen With Mommy

2010-10-27T20:07:00.000-07:00

Today I dissected the world's largest ham hock (probably the wrong term, but whatever). Jesse's mom bought a huge one for us to eat this past weekend at the beach, and the thing just keeps on giving. I decided to cut all the meat off, dice it, and boil the bone for split pea soup, but it was a bigger job than I anticipated.

After twenty minutes or so of chopping away, Miette was getting terribly impatient with me. She had already dutifully emptied two large drawers and was skating on about 100 ziploc bags strewn around the kitchen floor, waiting for me to finish up already, but I was elbow-deep in Porky's left thigh and it just wasn't a good time to stop.

I figured the best option was to let her perch up on the counter next to me so she could watch. I set up a nice little pile of tiny bite-sized chunks of ham for her to munch on, but keeping it replenished was a challenge. Girl was hungry! She also kept calling it "cheese," which kind of weirded me out. Anyway, as I worked she kept inching closer and closer to the cutting board, while I scooted away in turn.

Suddenly she made her move and grabbed a huge chunk from my workspace, at least as big as her hand, and crammed the whole thing in her mouth. After a minute or two she had to spit a few pieces of it out, but when I checked a little while later it seemed she had managed to eat the entire thing. I'm certain I could not have come close to eating a proportionate amount myself, and the thought makes me kind of sick. But I was pretty impressed. And she took a nice long nap later, which was great.

Last Weekend At The Beach

2010-10-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

Kroger Wins Again

2010-10-26T14:14:00.000-07:00

Pumpkin Patch!

2010-10-25T20:50:00.000-07:00

Our Story: Part Two

2010-10-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

This post is part of Multi Family Living Mondays, a series of articles on co-housing and multi-family living.

You can read Part One here.

Part Two:

Soon after deciding to start looking for a house to rent together, Jesse and I got a letter from our apartment manager saying that we needed to re-sign a 6-month lease or our rent would go up. Knowing we only had a few weeks to make a decision, we started scouring Craigslist ads and looking for For Rent signs. We drove by one or two dumpy houses in sketchy neighborhoods, and encountered several scams - resulting in a few very entertaining and bizarre email exchanges (I wanted to see how far they would take it before admitting it was a con).

I was starting to feel pretty discouraged, until a golden opportunity came along. A family-run adult elderly care facility was relocating, and the building was only a few years old - with many bedrooms, bathrooms, 2 large kitchens, a few common rooms, and several acres of gardens and woods! It would have been a little too expensive for just the two families, but we had a few other friends we thought might be interested in signing on. Visions of epic communal living danced in our heads and we made an appointment to go see the property.

When we arrived in the circular driveway, we were struck by the grand (read: ostentatious/creepy) style. A very old woman and a young child peered out at us through the windows but refused to come to the door when we knocked. After a few minutes the contact finally showed up - a 19-year-old (apparently the only reliable English speaker) in a totally pimped out Honda hatchback and acid wash jeans. The whole family was Romanian, and as we interacted more, the whole situation reminded me a little of Croatia.

I'll have to dig up pictures for you, this place was really something. But in the end we decided to pass - it was just too weird, too much financial commitment, and too far from town for us to feel confident going through with it. We didn't see anything else come up that fit our criteria, so we officially decided to stay in our respective apartments and re-evaluate 6 months later. One benefit of waiting was the time we would have to work out the kinks with our new babies and establish some family rhythms before complicating things with co-housing.

So we happily put the decision out of our minds, until something unexpected happened just a few months later...

Saturday Song Suggestion

2010-10-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday night Jesse and I went to see Josh Garrels play a show. Apparently he lives here in Portland now, and there weren't a ton of people there that seemed to know his stuff (he opened for Steve Forbert, who I had never heard of) but the set was amazing. Afterward Jesse ended up talking to him for a little while about his decision not to sign with a label, among other things. He and his wife were very kind and open, and while I was sort of a passive fan before, now I'd say I'm an active fan... whatever that means.

Anyway, I think this song is pretty:

Fall 2010

2010-10-22T13:56:00.000-07:00

I haven't really given you a proper update in a while, have I? The first part of the school year has been kind of a doozy for us. Jesse was working a ton of hours to get his students off to a good start, and Sara and Tim have started school, too. Church activities have geared up, and it is officially autumn.

For about a month and a half I was feverishly applying for jobs at New Seasons Market (a local grocery chain). I've heard that it is a great place to work, and it must be, as the competition for jobs was pretty intense. In the end, though, I backed off because I realized I felt challenged and busy as it was, everyone else in the house has a lot going on, and I'm guessing that adding a job to my own personal mix would be more stress than it would be worth.

Miette is more fun than ever these days. She's very communicative in her own not-so-much-word-using but still noisy way. She loves to laugh, drum on things, dance to music, shriek and splash in the bathtub, and give kisses. She learned how to climb onto the side tables in the living room and throw herself onto the couches, and she also likes to stomp her feet as fast as she can, prompting Sara and I to start calling her Happy Feet. In the space of a month, she dropped her pacifier, bottles, and morning nap - so many changes!
The other morning we were playing outside, and in between chowing down on completely green and unripe cherry tomatoes (she loves to eat them for some reason), she found a cherry pit on the ground (another favorite pastime). Before I could say my usual, "No no, Miette. Don't eat that!" she looked right at me, shook her head no, and put it back on the ground - not in her mouth. I was amazed.

More recently, her sleeping got pretty bad with lots of waking up and crying. Ugh. One night she was waking up so much we brought her bed down into our room and I was laying on our bed holding her after getting up for the 15th time. She calmed down and looked over at me with a grin, chirping, "Mommy? Mommy!" and I felt a peculiar blend of anger and adoration.

She still very rarely says mommy or dada, but often says shoes, and now cheese - which sounds exactly like shoes, something like: sschshshssss - a lot of air, no distinguishable vowel. And just in the past day or so I think she may have added 'ball' and 'down'. We'll see if those stick or if it was just a fluke. She's also jumped into some intense separation anxiety with both feet, which is hard. Thankfully I don't really have to leave her anywhere too often, but it is difficult to know when to let her suffer through it and when to just avoid leaving her at all costs. Last night, after a week or two of great uneventful sleeping, she woke up a lot again, so we brought her down to our room and Jesse was holding her to calm her down. She proceeded to throw a royal fit, twisting and arching and yelling because she wanted ME, not him. Yikes. It ended up being a wild night featuring tylenol, a 1:00am snack of banana and cheese, some crying in her crib, and a long stretch of her successfully sleeping next to me, reaching over to pat me every so often to make sure I was still there.

So there you go, our life these days in 10 or 11 nutshells...

Wendell Berry: How To Be A Poet

2010-10-21T17:56:00.000-07:00

Listen here.

Two Things That Made Me Laugh Out Loud Today

2010-10-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

This.

And this.

What We're Working With Here

2010-10-20T16:39:00.000-07:00

Yay Ziplines!

2010-10-20T14:24:00.000-07:00

Jesse had a school field trip on Monday in Washougal, Washington for a zipline adventure tour. That morning we decided that Miette and I should go along just to get out of the house. When we got there, Jesse offered to let me take his place and do the zipline instead of him. Heck yeah! I am super afraid of heights (and we were very high off the ground, which you can't tell very well from the pictures), but being surrounded by junior high girls and harnessed in the whole time really took the edge off and I had a great time.

At The Park

2010-10-19T20:17:00.000-07:00

I Thought You Should Know

2010-10-19T13:50:00.000-07:00

My sister, Kerri, and her best friend Anna moved to South Korea in September to teach English for a year. They started a blog to chronicle their adventures - and they've had some good ones! If you know Kerri or just think you might enjoy hearing more about two feisty blonde twenty-somethings tooling around Seoul, you can read more here.

Jesse also started a new blog recently with the purpose of fleshing out some of his thoughts and conversations a little more. So far he has been focusing mostly on current events and politics, and generally more intellectual fare than you'll find here, plus, he's great at coming up with unusual analogies and connections. So check it out, you might like it!

Our Story: How We Got Into This Crazy Mess/Wonderland of Fun and Rainbows and Glittery Unicorns (Part One)

2010-10-18T14:49:00.000-07:00

This post is part of Multi Family Living Mondays, a series of articles on co-housing and multi-family living.

Our Story, Part 1:

After posting the first few articles about co-housing in general, I thought it might be good to step back and share a little more about our particular situation and how we ended up here, living with my sister-in-law, brother-in-law and nephew.

A few years ago, when Jesse and I were still dating, I remember sitting in Tim and Sara’s (then my friends, now also my in-laws and housemates) living room one night listening to Jesse and Sara talk about building a house/houses someday on shared property. At this point, our dating relationship was pretty serious, but still young, so I felt hesitant about the implication that I would be a part of all of this, and wasn’t really sure how forward I should be about my opinions. Eventually I decided not to worry too much about it and jumped into the discussion with both feet. That first conversation was really more for entertainment than anything else, but the seed had been planted.

A year and a half later we were married and expecting our first baby, as were Tim and Sara. They were hoping to move out of their apartment, and so were we, but neither family was anywhere near being able to buy a home. We thought this might be the perfect opportunity to try living together in a rental, to test the waters and hopefully find a better arrangement than our apartments were.

We got together to talk seriously about our budget and timeline, and realized things were tight. Between school and work schedules and babies on the horizon, we needed to move fast or choose to stay put for a while. Jesse and I had already asked our apartment manager about moving into a larger unit that was opening up, and Sara was in the final month of pregnancy – not a great time to move!

I didn't hold out much hope, to be honest. A quick glance through the classifieds indicated that finding a rental that would actually save money was going to be difficult, and would probably mean moving quite a bit farther out of the city than I really wanted to. But we decided that we would at least look at the ads and check a few places out, just to see if the perfect place turned up…

(Belated) Saturday Song Suggestion

2010-10-18T14:10:00.001-07:00

The weekend really got away from me, and I'm sorry this is so late. But this is a song that I love. It was on a mixed tape (mixtape?) from a friend, and as soon as I heard it I was obsessed - so haunting, so evocative. Also, I have listened to it on repeat while riding a train, and it was an awesome experience.

Ready Or Not, Here They Come

2010-10-15T14:12:00.000-07:00

Cooking Fail: Cozy Autumn Soup Edition

2010-10-14T18:25:00.000-07:00

Lately we’ve been eating a lot of farm fresh food. It’s occasionally exhilarating. We are really lucky to have access to so much local produce through our farm co-op and it has been an incredible learning experience to see how things are grown and discover new ways to cook and preserve the things we’ve been able to harvest.

Unfortunately, it also means we have eaten more zucchini, in more permutations, than I ever thought possible. If I never see another zucchini again, I’ll be fine. Too bad we’ve got five on our counter right now.

Anyway, I was excited when the butternut squash was ready. A welcome change of pace, I dove into making a delicious pureed soup the first time we brought it home. It was tasty, tasty stuff, and everyone called for an encore.

The second time around, a week or two later, I went all out and used 5 or 6 butternut squashes and made two enormous stockpots worth of soup. My confidence was buoyed by my previous success, so I experimented a little and added a few minor secret ingredients. Exhausted and sweaty after a few hours of intense soup-making, with a sore arm from all of the pureeing (holding an immersion blender for so long really takes a toll), I finally sat down to eat.

I took a bite and something was… off.
“Hmmm, this is... good. Did you do something different this time?” Sara asked.
“Um, yeah.” I was worried.

Reviews were mixed, but I knew I didn’t like it as well as the first version. The poor babies started crying when we put it in their mouths – and Miette will eat almost anything these days (including flying beetles, true story).

A few days later I tried to have the leftovers for lunch and almost gagged. I just couldn’t do it. Sara admitted it was too much for her, too, but Jesse is a special man, and not wanting any food to go to waste, he chose to finish off the last of it.

As we all discussed the problem, I was informed in a not-condescending, not-attempting-to-be-humorous way, exactly how bad the soup tasted. With a hearty “Let’s use the scientific method and our five senses to figure out what’s wrong!” approach, it was determined that, in fact, there was a certain, unmistakable urine-inspired flavor to it.

A word to the wise: if a discussion of the meal you’ve made runs anywhere along the lines of, “Hmm, this is weird. Oh! Tastes too much like pee, that must be it!” you have failed. Plain and simple.

Kids These Days

2010-10-12T14:12:00.000-07:00

A few days ago we walked into the living room to this: Calvin filling the shoe bucket with Miette and all the peed-on, food-covered baby laundry. She didn't seem to mind.

Okay, enough is enough.

Hi, Mom!

Location, Location, Location: 10 Things To Look For In A Shared House

2010-10-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

This post is part of Multi Family Living Mondays, a series of articles on co-housing and multi-family living.

1: Bathrooms

We recommend having at least one bathroom available per family. Please think about how many people – especially women and children – will be sharing each bathroom and whether they will have the access and privacy they need.

2: Privacy

Consider the layout of the house. How close are the bedrooms to one another and shared/public areas? How well does sound carry? Are there little spaces to get away and be alone if necessary? This is important in any shared living situation. Everyone needs some space and time alone sometimes – make sure this can happen. Also, this is incredibly important for couples. You need to be able to have conversations and time alone together in your own space without always having to schedule it.

3: Pressure Valves

This is somewhat related to #2. You don’t want the house to become a pressure cooker of emotions, conflict, frustration, etc. Are there physical places to go and breaks in your schedules where people can retreat and decompress or recompose when necessary?

4: Kitchen

When households combine, your supplies double! You can probably pare down your dishes, utensils and appliances to what you’ll regularly use and put the extras in storage, but you’ll still have more than you did with just one family or couple living alone. Also, you’ll have more food to store than before. Depending on whether you will be sharing none, some, or all of your food, consider how much space you think you’ll need.

5: Guest Quarters

You may not have friends or family that come stay with you, but if you do, this is important. Co-housing really cuts down on idle space – this is good in many ways as it reduces waste and encourages efficiency and simplicity. BUT, consider whether you need to be able to house others from time to time and how you will do that.

6: Storage

If you are an established couple or family (or even single adult!), you probably have a lot of STUFF. If you decide to share a house, your available space will decrease and all parties may need to downsize. Even so, there are probably some necessities that you’ll have to keep and store. Consider whether the garage/basement/closets or lack thereof will be sufficient for everyone’s storage needs.

7: Kids

If there are kids involved, where will they sleep, eat, and play? Are the ages similar or different? Consider safety, privacy, and storage, and remember that kids’ needs change a lot more quickly than adults’ needs do, so think ahead.

8: Money

Discuss your budgets and decide on a price range that is comfortable for everyone, especially if one of your primary motivations is to save money. Decide whether you’ll be splitting the cost down the middle or breaking it down another way, and don’t forget to factor in expected bills! If you’re moving into a house from two apartments, for instance, you may not end up saving much on utilities as electricity, heat, water and garbage bills for a house often cost a lot more.

9: Location

Think through your weekly schedule and the places you travel to most frequently. Do you need to be close to a bus line? Where do you shop? Are there friends you get together with a lot and want to still see often? Decide on a general area that is acceptable for everyone’s needs, but know you’ll probably have to compromise. There also may be opportunities for carpooling, car sharing, or other alternative transportation methods.

10: Exit Plan

If you are just starting out with co-housing, be careful about your commitment level – and make sure your relational commitment outweighs your financial commitment. For instance, don’t sign a lease for a year if you are only firmly committing to a six-month trial. And don’t buy anything unless you are really, really sure, or one party can (and will commit to) taking on the space and payments alone if things don’t work out.

Did I miss anything? Have a question or an opinion? Leave a comment!

All Too Typical

2010-10-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

Saturday Song Suggestion

2010-10-09T14:35:00.000-07:00

"Ulysses" - Josh Garrels 2010 from Josh Garrels on Vimeo.

Re: Your Best Deserves Fresh

2010-10-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Kroger Company,

I'll be honest, I feel a little awkward. A few days ago I let loose with a rant detailing my annoyance over the slogan: Your Best Deserves Fresh. Then, while glancing through my site traffic statistics, I noticed that someone from The Kroger Co. has read that little post a few times. I admit that it probably comes across as pissy, condescending and overly emotional. Truthfully, I'm not actually enraged by this bit of advertising. But hyperbole has its place, no?

So, since you're out there, apparently listening, this is how I really feel: you can do better. I know you can. You are a HUGE corporation. You have bought out chain after chain of regional stores, welcoming them into your gigantic, corporate fold. You have the money and the power to choose competence - even excellence.

When I see a slogan like this that is sloppy and unclear, I feel sad. To me it seems like a big shrug of the shoulders, communicating satisfaction with the bare minimum: "Meh, nobody is paying attention, why should we care if the message really makes sense?"

Sure, I get the idea: your best casserole recipe deserves fresh green beans, or your best friend deserves fresh strawberries and cream after running her first 5K, or maybe your best culinary effort deserves (would be enhanced by?) fresh ingredients. But the missing nouns and general vagueness (not to mention the fact that it's a little weird to say that something other than a person 'deserves' anything) leave me feeling annoyed every time I think about Fred Meyer. And I've heard several other people independently voice their irritation, too, which is probably not your goal.

It's not very polite to just sit back and criticize without offering helpful alternatives, and I'm not trained in PR or very knowledgeable about advertising and copywriting so unfortunately these examples are fairly lame and uninspired, but I felt like I should at least try:

Possible slogans including "fresh" and "best"-

Always Fresh, Always the Best
Fresh Is Best
The Freshest Food at the Best Price

Or even

There's No Best Without Fresh (this one is very questionable)
The Best of the Best, Refreshingly Fresh
Not Always Fresh, But We Do Our Best
What Does Anyone Deserve, Really? Just Come Here And Buy Your Freaking Groceries.

Anyway, good luck with all of that. I confess I only stooped to complain about this publicly in the first place because I have been sleep-deprived this week, which impairs my judgment and damages my ability to come up with truly interesting, creative blog posts. And also because someone cut out this advertisement from the newspaper and left it on my pillow, goading me into action.
I apologize for the rude tone of the previous post, and I hope this clears up my thoughts on the matter.

Sincerely,
Alexis

Mompetitors

2010-10-07T16:39:00.001-07:00

The Contest Is Over

2010-10-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

Back in May, I mentioned my friend Matt's book, Imaginary Jesus. Well, the publisher (Tyndale House) sponsored a contest based on the book, and I entered it. They recently posted some of the winning entries, and I encourage you to check them out.

Personally, the Grand Prize winner was my favorite, but I was really excited to win one of the other prizes, and my entry can be found here.

A few weeks ago my mom was in town and we went to Powell's (an awesome bookstore here in Portland) just for fun. I ran into Matt's wife, Krista, on the way in and she told me they were there with the contest winner (the grand prize was a trip to Portland, among other things), so a little while later we met up. She was really nice but we didn't talk much. I had some questions I wanted to ask her, but totally forgot as it was more of a quick handshake type of thing. There's no real point to me telling you all of this, but it was fun for me, at least.

Your Inane Deserves Angry

2010-10-06T14:46:00.001-07:00

Now, I normally shy away from being too negative or critical here on my blog. I figure most people don't need any more crankiness in their lives. But there are times when, in order to be authentic, I really need to express myself. This is one of those times.

Fred Meyer (Kroger) has an advertising campaign going on right now with billboards and other media declaring: "your best deserves fresh". I know I just put the period outside of the quotation marks there, which may be incorrect, but it seemed important to underscore that this string of words appears without punctuation. Of course, it's unclear what kind of punctuation could be used in such a situation.

I understand that I may be overreacting, but I find the slogan enraging. This noun-free jumble of nonsense taunts me repeatedly. I heard a radio ad for Fred Meyer this week and they neglected to use the phrase (is it a phrase?), obviously because saying it aloud would only highlight its ridiculous futility.

Have they settled for this because they truly couldn't think of anything better? Because they thought it would be just as good to save ink and toss up a few enticing adjectives, hoping they would subconsciously lodge in the brains of listless drivers passing the billboards?

In the words of my husband: I can't believe people exist who were excited to come up with that slogan. Who are you?

*Jesse also came up with the title of this post.

Miette's First Birthday Party

2010-10-05T14:46:00.000-07:00

Growing Up

2010-10-04T15:32:00.000-07:00

A year ago,

a month ago.

Don't Hate Your Housemates: 7 Things to Consider Before Moving In Together

2010-10-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

This post is part of Multi Family Living Mondays, a series of articles on co-housing and multi-family living.

If you are considering trying to set up a multi family living/co-housing situation with someone you know, there are a lot of things to think through before taking the plunge. Choosing the right people to live with is the most important part! Of course, nobody is perfect, but hopefully these questions will help everyone involved to think wisely and realistically.

1: Do you know each other well?

Have you seen one another under stress, when tired, when relaxed? Have you seen one another’s homes, and did you feel like you could live there? It’s one thing to enjoy a friend’s company for a few hours a week, but quite another to share virtually every aspect of life when you are at your best and your worst. Sometimes even close friendships can be jeopardized when friends decide to become roommates. Consider whether you are a) willing to risk challenges to your relationship and/or b) completely committed to working through whatever difficulties arise.

Also, the better you know someone, the easier it will be to evaluate some of the other questions on this list.

2: Do you have similar financial values?

When you live with someone, you see aspects of them you may not see under any other circumstances. When you are sharing bills and living space and quite a bit of your free time, financial values are often on display and can be a source of conflict. Things will probably go more smoothly if you have at least somewhat similar ideas about how much you want to spend on housing, entertainment, food, enhancing the comfort or beauty of your living space, etc. Of course, there will always be differences, but the key is to be able to identify them ahead of time and see if those differences can be accommodated while sharing a house, some expenses and lots of time together.

3: Do you have compatible social values and lifestyles?

What do you like to do in the evenings? On the weekends? Do you like to have people around? Do you like to sit quietly and read without any distractions? It can absolutely work to live with people who have some different interests and hobbies, but it is important to think through what they are and if your lifestyles are complementary or oppositional.

4: Do you communicate well?

Any time two or more people live together, there is bound to be some conflict or difference of opinion. The question is, how is that conflict discovered, and how is it resolved? Are you and your potential housemates able to identify your desires and needs and express them in a constructive way? Think through your communication styles and personalities, and consider whether passive aggressive, conflict avoidant, or confrontational habits exist and can be worked through and overcome.

5: Do you have compatible goals?

Why are you choosing to share a living space? To save money? To hang out more and have more fun and social interaction? To create a place for hosting groups and building community with others? To share the burden of raising kids? To lower your carbon footprint/ environmental impact? All of these can be good motivations to consider co-housing, but focusing on one might preclude others. If one family cares more about saving money, and the other cares more about creating a lovely, comfortable place to have a lot of people over all the time, you’ll have to think through those differing goals and find ways to compromise.

6: Do you have compatible needs?

This is really a combination of numbers 4 and 5. Basically, try to think through financial, social, relational, spiritual, environmental, and physical desires and needs to see if sharing a house will help you thrive, or only become a source of conflict and trial.

7: Do you get along?

This is just a basic reminder that living together means, well… living together. A lot of time, space, and interaction shared with the same people. Are these the people you want to do that with?

Did I miss anything? Have a question or an opinion? Leave a comment!

Introducing: Multi Family Living Mondays

2010-10-04T14:19:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned before, I plan to post some of the co-housing themed content that Sara and I started preparing a few months ago here.

Therefore, today I'll be kicking off MFL Mondays (similar to FML, but different... most of the time). Not similar to NFL.

Return of the Saturday Song Suggestion

2010-10-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

I obviously haven't done this in a while, but I'm hoping the number of songs included in this week's offering will make up for all the Saturdays I've missed. This video has been all over the place, so you may have already seen it, but if not, it's fun.

I myself am not much of a rap enthusiast, but I was actually familiar with the performed-by-Jesse-a cappela-around-the-house version of most of these because Jesse likes rap, and he sings a lot. (A LOT.)

Anyway, enjoy:

Just Me And My Onions

2010-10-02T11:49:00.000-07:00

Her Own Mother

2010-10-01T09:33:00.000-07:00

At some point this summer, I tried to teach Miette where her tummy was. Around the same time, I was desperate to somehow get it into her head that I was her mom. Picture me frequently pointing to myself while brightly enunciating "Mama!" "Mommy!!" For one or both of these reasons, if you ask Miette who her mommy is, she will vigorously point to herself.
She's been doing it for a few months, and I don't know that she'll ever stop...

Pushing His Buttons

2010-09-30T17:28:00.000-07:00

The other day Calvin woke up from his nap feeling pretty cranky. I was busy in the kitchen when I noticed some baby giggles coming from the dining room, so I went to investigate. I peeked around the corner and saw Calvin lying on his back with Miette crouched next to him, poking her finger in his belly button. They were both laughing until he saw me and started whining again. It was awesome.

Bird Bath

2010-09-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

Declaration of Intent (I Intend To Not Start A New Website)

2010-09-27T14:48:00.000-07:00

You may or may not remember that a few months ago I announced my plan to launch a new website with Sara all about multi-family living. Many of you helped us decide on the title through a poll and it was very exciting, yada yada yada. And then I shared how we were all taking a step back to deal with our communication issues and figure out if we could even keep living together. Woah, drama.

Happily, that is all sorted out now and I’m glad to share that we’ve decided to continue co-housing until next summer. Once that decision was made, though, Sara and I needed to figure out what to do about the potential new blog.

Sara is completely maxed out with school and her internship these days, and during this season, a whole new website is not something I’m willing/able to invest a ton of time in. However, co-housing is still an area where we’ve built up some knowledge and experience that might be useful to a few people out there. The thing is, here on my personal blog, I like the freedom to write about whatever aspects of regular life I feel like – sometimes as it relates to co-housing, but usually not.

So my plan for now is to start featuring some of the material that we prepared for the multi-family living site here, but without shifting the entire focus. If you’re not interested in that kind of thing, feel free to skip those posts! I’m also going to put up a tab (perhaps temporarily) to gather the multi-family living themed posts in one place so people looking for that information specifically (and not the rest of my crazy ramblings and oddball baby pictures) will be able to find it. This way I’ll maintain the freedom to just be myself and write about the things I care about, while still offering some of the co-housing info Sara and I already compiled for people who might benefit, and I won’t have to build and maintain a whole new website to do it – yay!!!

One Year (A Month Late)

2010-09-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

Happiness in a 4 Minute YouTube Clip

2010-09-02T17:19:00.001-07:00

The Scream

2010-09-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

Can You Relate?

2010-09-01T20:22:00.000-07:00

Why is this so freakishly accurate...

A Bountiful Harvest

2010-08-20T13:19:00.000-07:00

Wait...what?

Suck Cut

2010-08-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, Sara asked me to cut her hair. I have never cut a woman's hair before, other than a quick bangs trim or two. Sara has asked me several times before and I've explained my complete lack of credentials thoroughly, so when we decided to give it a go, we were both well informed of the potential disaster ahead.

First, we pored over about a dozen or so pictures of movie stars' cute haircuts while she described the elements she wanted and I formulated something of a plan.

After about an hour and a half, I decided we should dry her hair and see where we were at.
This is where we were:

Jesse came out to inspect, and with a dubious look pronounced: "It's three layers. And only three layers."

I suck at cutting hair.

We went back to work, though, and Sara got heavily involved. Between her, myself, several mirrors and a few different hair cutting and styling tools, we managed to transform it into a much cuter do.

Jesse and I went to the beach for a few days and while we were gone, she made a few more modifications. I think it looks great now, though it may continue to evolve. We'll see if she ever asks me to cut it again. :-)

A Man of Many Talents

2010-08-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

Today, on our second wedding anniversary, I would like to share some photos from our most recent date experience. When we were up in Seattle, my mom watched Miette one night so Jesse and I could go out on the town.

For some reason we decided Jesse should wear my teal scarf and camera bag for a while,
for a bit of a metro-bizarre look.

Classy.

After these feats of fashion and fortitude, we ate some delicious Indian food and went to see Inception. With dates like this, I think I'm good for at least another two years of marriage.

Dads and Babies

2010-08-15T13:10:00.000-07:00

About a month ago we went to Jamison Square Park with our friends to play in the fountain. We used to live just a few blocks away, and it was great to be back in the old neighborhood again!

Hobo Baby

2010-08-13T14:38:00.000-07:00

Today we went to our CSA farm to harvest some produce. Miette had a great time getting really dirty and eating whatever she could find, and she lost a shoe in the process.

She looked pretty tragic when we got home...

But then she decided she was a happy hobo baby!

Then she told me she was taking her show on the road.

And then she took a bath.
The End.

The Old Farm

2010-08-13T13:06:00.000-07:00

Last month we went up to the Pomeroy Living History Farm in Washington for their annual Steam Logging Demonstration. Jesse's dad came with us and we got to see a lot of cool, old stuff.

Stilts!

Jesse's dad, Scott, doing something or other to a board.

Pig!

Goat!

Just picking her teeth, no big deal.

Old-timey steam logging.

Old coffee.

A pretty stove.

Ummm...?

Old kitchen supplies.

Old irons.

An old Sears catalog.

What A Prize

2010-08-05T10:48:00.000-07:00

Jesse (driving): ARGGHH!!! I can't believe people are so STUPID! I mean, did you see that guy?
Me: Is it really worth it? All this anger and stress?
Jesse (calmly): Of course it is. Road rage is its own reward.

How We're Spending Our Summer Vacation

2010-08-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the inconsistency here lately - it's been a busy summer! We were up in Seattle for a few weeks helping my mom with some things around the house, then came back home to Portland, and we're headed up to Seattle again this afternoon for a few more days.

With all the back and forth traveling and packing and unpacking and laundry and naps and barbecues and birthdays and cooking and trips to the CSA farm and more, I've really neglected the blog, but will be able to give it some more TLC after things settle down in a few weeks.

Miette's Current M.O.

2010-07-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

Miette is walking now. Not well, but it’s her new favorite thing and she’s getting better every day. She learned how to stand up unassisted before she started walking so now she’s acting like a little mole – up and down all the time. Most of the time she’s awake, she’s just repeating the following sequence: pop up – wobbly run – dramatic pratfall – pop up again. And when she’s not walk-running, she is often doing this weird super speedy bear crawl – up on her feet instead of her knees. She pauses every few seconds to pick up a crumb/bug/dirt clod/paper scrap and shove it in her mouth. This kid will eat anything, and once she has it you’re not likely to get it back without a sacrifice. Outside we always have to watch carefully for cherry pits from the backyard tree, getting those out of her mouth pretty much guarantees you a bitten finger.

Tim and Sara have dubbed her the Spider Vacuum, and it’s a good description. She’ll be zooming around the room at incredible speed, her butt in the air and arms and legs splayed out, devouring everything in her path while occasionally emitting loud shrieks of excitement. It’s not at all precious, but it is funny.

The Latest

2010-07-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I was home alone with Miette, and I needed to take a shower. I had to be dressed and ready to leave before her next nap, so I tried to creatively weigh my options. One approach would be to leave her playing unsupervised – I wasn’t really comfortable with that, though. I could have left the bathroom door open, but Tim and Sara would be coming home sometime soon, so I nixed that idea, too. The best idea seemed to be letting her play on the bathroom floor where I could sort of keep an eye on her. I blocked the toilet plunger and moved the garbage can (her favorite attraction) out of reach, and supplied her with a few toys. The first minute of the shower was successful – I got wet. Then she started trying to open the shower doors. They are a little flimsy – made out of plastic and held closed only by a magnet.

I resorted to holding the doors with one hand and shampooing with my other hand. Her next tactic was to drop all of her toys into the tub through the little opening under the doors, then wave her arms around in the shower spray. She was also starting to shriek, so I figured I needed to try something new. Since she was already wet, I stripped off her pjs and diaper, plopped her on the floor of the tub with me, and gave her a few bath toys.

Staying seated was apparently not an option, and she immediately popped up, attempting to climb me like a tree. Fearing a concussion for her and awkward ER visit for me, I paused to repeatedly order her to sit down. When that failed miserably, I decided to just hold her. This allowed me to semi-successfully rinse the remaining shampoo out of my hair while she grabbed at my wet strands in sheer delight, and did her best to hoist herself up my shoulders and climb on top of my head, occasionally shoving her fingers up my nostrils for good measure.

Next time I guess I’ll leave her in the living room unsupervised.

Zoo Trip

2010-07-16T17:18:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, we went to the zoo. We had fun, but I think Miette will like it better when she's older.

Our friends Becky and Sophie

There's that silly Sophie again!

Cooking FAIL: 2-for-1 Edition

2010-07-06T10:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday started out well enough. This summer I’ve been spending a few hours writing every morning while Jesse watches the baby. Once I got my writing in, we started on the chores: Jesse and I worked in the basement, and I washed some clothes. For lunch, he decided to embark on a rare cooking adventure. He wanted to make his mom’s famous homemade macaroni and cheese – we had the ingredient list but were a little fuzzy on the details. Undaunted, he forged ahead. We were missing some of the exact ingredients, but found some reasonable substitutes and proportions were also approximated, while we both continued to hope for the best. In the end, it was an unfortunate imitation. Jesse sulked about his failure for a while, so I tried to comfort him.

Later I confidently started making soup for dinner. This is one of my favorite recipes from my mom and I’ve made it quite a few times in the crock pot, but this time I wanted to use the stove. Miette loves the stuff, so I went all out and filled our largest stockpot – enough for several meals, plus a week or two of baby food.

After mixing up the ingredients, I left them to simmer while I took Miette to the library. This way I could pick up my holds and get a vigorous walk in before dinner, and the weather was beautiful. We enjoyed the sunshine and I worked up a nice appetite. After lugging the stroller and books up to the porch, I headed inside with the baby. We were met with a wall of scent: black, putrid, and burnt. I rushed into the kitchen and found no flames, but opened the doors and windows anyway. Where was Jesse? Why didn’t he do anything?
He came tromping down the stairs, “Is something burning down here?”
“That’s what I want to know, did you not notice it?”
It seems he was like the frog in the pot – he must have adjusted to the stench as it developed.
Thankfully, there was no actual fire, just a solid inch of burnt material in the bottom of the pot under the rest of the soup. I guess it didn’t need to simmer so long…

We let it cool a bit and tasted it, on the off chance we could salvage some. It tasted like pure liquid cigarette butts. After dumping the remains in the compost pile, we fed the baby something else and lit about a hundred candles trying to win the battle for our noses. We never ended up eating dinner and went to sleep smelling cinders.
It was marginally better this morning, and I’m hoping we can air it out more before our friends come for dinner tonight.

Beulah!

2010-07-01T16:20:00.000-07:00

Beulah Beauregard is probably our favorite nickname for Miette, and she definitely lives up to it. (No, I’m not sure what that means, either.) Anyway, she’s developed a few new tricks recently. For a while I was trying to teach her to clap in general, and inadvertently taught her to clap whenever she heard the words, “Yay baby!!!” It was very cute and exciting, but it only lasted for a week or so. She will still do it on command sometimes, but not always. I was pretty happy, since she doesn’t wave or do much else that we try to coerce her into. She did wave consistently for a few days, but then stopped. And for a while she would always shake her head back and forth with me whenever I said, “Shakey shakey shakey.” Even now as I’m typing this I realize I must be a total psychopath if this is really how I spend my days.

At any rate, Miette has been super fun lately. Even if she doesn’t keep performing her tricks very regularly, it’s great to know that she is able to learn to do things if she wants to. Her cousin Calvin has been a confident walker for quite a while now, but Miette just started showing interest a few weeks ago. She loves to come grab any adult hand she can reach and pull the owner along until he/she agrees to help her toddle around. Her legs are getting pretty strong, and if she doesn’t notice that you’ve let go, she can take a few steps just fine on her own. Also, if she is distracted, she will happily stand for 5-10 seconds, but once she realizes that she’s on her own she nervously lowers herself to the ground. It’s funny how cautious she seems to be with standing and walking, while she would happily dive head first off of any couch, bed, or ledge she finds herself on. Last night she was playing with some paper and stood up all by herself without hanging on to anything, so I think the walking may be right around the corner. Thankfully, the house is pretty well baby-proofed already because of Calvin, so we’re ready!

Wagon Ride

2010-06-23T14:10:00.000-07:00

Guilty As Charged

2010-06-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

"Mom, it looks like these clothes were made in Bangladesh by a kid about my age."

"But I guess since they were on sale at Target, you couldn't resist, eh?"

"Hmm, well it seems like you got some good deals.
And these are really flattering around my thighs and hips."

"Shopping sounds fun, I think I'll come next time."

"I love clothes!"

Fun in the Sun

2010-06-22T16:29:00.000-07:00

A little over a week ago, we actually had a sunny day here, so we busted out the kiddie pool.

Saturday Song Suggestion

2010-06-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

This song was chosen specifically for the amazing awesomeness of the video.

Even if you don't normally watch videos, I think you'll find this worth your while.

Roadblocks and Relationships

2010-06-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

Last month I wrote about some plans for a new blog focused on co-housing and multi-family living, and even asked you all to weigh in on a name – remember that?
Well I’ve been working on it, but that project may be a bit longer in coming to fruition than anticipated.

Originally, when all of us decided to move into this house together, we made an initial commitment to try it out until June. Over the past few weeks we’ve been evaluating our experience so far and sorting out some important things in our relationships and communication. Right now, we’re still waiting to decide if we’re ready to commit to another year together, and are planning to decide toward the end of the summer.

This is a difficult thing to write about because it involves very personal feelings, and I don’t want to compromise anyone’s privacy or trust. But mainly it’s difficult because it feels like an admission of failure. If I detailed every conversation that the four of us have had so far, it wouldn’t actually be very interesting or scandalous. It would be ordinary. The extreme humanness is the hard part.

A few weeks ago, I finally started to admit that there were a few areas in which I kept allowing resentment to build up without ever addressing the issues directly. I thought I could, and should, just ‘get over it’ – that if I were patient enough, or kind enough, or loving enough I would never be annoyed or hold a grudge or become bitter. Maybe that is true, but who is actually patient, kind, and loving enough? Nobody that I know, this side of the grave.

I tried to avoid having difficult conversations with others by having circular conversations with myself, instead. I would sternly lecture my disgruntled self on the importance of generosity, forgiveness, longsuffering, selflessness – insert character quality here – and then that self would start replying with accusations and defenses of my own and others’ actions until my thoughts and emotions were whirling around in a convoluted mess. I felt defeated in my attempts to love others, and my frustrations would live on – sometimes being beaten back for a few days before cropping right back up.

As I have started to admit the areas I’ve been struggling in, it’s been exciting to see things change and often be resolved. A few times I have been surprised to learn that a false assumption or two on my part had led to hours of frustration, all for nothing – if I had actually asked about the issue as soon as it came up, I would have known all along that there was nothing to worry about.

That’s not always the case, though. We decided to change our whole grocery buying system in large part due to my perception that our old system was unfair. It is embarrassing to admit that. But it is true. I wish I could just get over it, but after trying to do just that for a long time, it simply wasn’t working. It doesn’t mean that I won’t still have plenty of opportunity to grow in grace and love, but admitting that I just couldn’t ‘get over it’ in this circumstance was necessary, I think. Basically, I’m still trying to figure out the balance between hoping and intending to grow, and honestly acknowledging my very real limits and weaknesses, and arranging some boundaries to help me resist the temptation to harbor resentment.

By finally starting to actually talk openly about these things, we’ve been making progress. But it is hard. It is surely healthier than keeping quiet and letting things fester, but no more comfortable, most of the time.

Area Mom Resigns Herself to Regular Exercise, Moderate Dietary Reform

2010-06-18T12:13:00.001-07:00

The last few weeks have introduced some somewhat personal problems that I’ve been struggling to work through and come to terms with. One of these things is the realization that I’ve recently failed in several attempts to improve my exercise and eating habits. It’s a weird thing to wrestle with somewhat publicly, and even weirder when you start to publicly fail. The ‘public’ nature of this issue in my life was largely by choice. I didn’t have to tell anyone my plans to change, and I certainly didn’t need to put anything on the internet. But I did. In part because I thought it would give me extra incentive to follow through - surely I wouldn’t fail if people were watching! And yet, I did.

After some reflection, it seems that the cause of this failure has mostly to do with lack of motivation appropriate to meet the challenge. Over the past 4 years or so, I haven’t had to put forth basically any effort to maintain an acceptable weight or physique. The main problem I encountered was losing too much weight and strength due to feeling sick when I was pregnant. But other than that, various life circumstances that didn’t have much to do with intent or discipline kept me in decent physical shape. Now that has changed, and I find myself spoiled, weak, and flabby. When Sara and I decided to embark on our ‘Health Binge’ I had some mythically inspired expectation that with only the most minor adjustments to my habits, my body would obediently transform, and I would naturally get more and more excited about exercising and eating healthily. Not so, my friends!

It’s going to take a lot more time, effort, and sacrifice to make the changes I would like to, and I’ve only recently (like in the last few days) come to accept that. So, no, I don’t have any new extreme exercise or diet program in mind. It’s just not my highest priority right now. But I am committing to more moderate regular exercise, and have finally acknowledged that it may take 4 or 5 months of slow, consistent progress to get to where I’d like to be. How’s that for a thrilling, end-of-the-week announcement? It’s kind of like an article from The Onion, so pedestrian, so bland.
But it’s all I’ve got for now.

Hood River

2010-06-17T15:55:00.000-07:00

Last week Jesse had to go to Hood River for work for the last time before summer break, so Miette and I went with him. It was a lovely trip and we enjoyed meeting his students.

After business was taken care of we stopped at a winery to do a quick tasting.

Then we went to a park on the waterfront with a great view
across the river and some fun, weird playground equipment.

Before heading back to Portland we stopped at the 6th Street Bistro for a delicious lunch, where Miette nibbled on a tasty lemon wedge and gave us her best frightening grimace-smile.

Happy Birthday, Bubba Fitzgerald McButterworth!

2010-06-15T11:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Calvin turned 1!
Last Friday we celebrated in style with a barbecue, cake, and lots of family.

Today's Saturday Song Suggestion

2010-06-12T11:33:00.000-07:00

This one's for Jesse. He strongly dislikes Rascal Flatts, so I thought I would make it up to him by picking one of his favorite country songs. You never know when he'll start singing this one, and Sara always joins in too, if she's around.

I think it is a fun song, but the video is kind of dumb and annoying, so look outside and enjoy the sun while you listen. Have a great weekend!

Last Saturday's Song Suggestion

2010-06-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

In honor of my sister Kerri and cousin Kelsey, I'm going to go unabashedly country for this song - they love Rascal Flatts and I think this was their theme song for at least one family camping trip. I've spent a lot of time driving on country roads in the past 2 weeks, and when I heard this song on the radio one afternoon, it seemed to fit with my desire to enjoy this summer and be physically present in the places I find myself and fully engaged with the people I am with.

Infestation

2010-06-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

Last week, while soaking a sinkful of spinach from the farm, I walked in to find this creepy crawler waiting for me. The photo doesn't depict the size very accurately, but it was HUGE and GROSS.

Thankfully I haven't seen any more of these but we've been having a terrible time with ants. They're everywhere! We've got a lot of ant traps out and a strict kill-upon-sight policy, but they just keep coming.

There Will Be No Week 6

2010-06-11T13:21:00.000-07:00

Well, Week #5 of our Health Binge is coming to a close and there is nothing good to report. I thought that the first two weeks were just a time to ramp up to the real progress to be had in the middle and end. I was wrong. I could give you numbers, explanations, reasons... But I'm more of a visual learner, myself. I'll offer this* and leave you to your own conclusions:

*This post is in reference to myself only, not Sara.

Preschool Swim Time

2010-06-10T17:25:00.000-07:00

Last week we went to the local community center for a fun baby swim time, it was awesome and I can't wait to go back!

Great-Grandmas

2010-06-10T16:20:00.001-07:00

"Stop TICKALIN ME!!!"

"Mmmmm, I really like this dog."

"Can I have him?"

The Wedding

2010-06-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

Tim and Bear

2010-06-08T20:15:00.001-07:00

Last week I mentioned that Miette has been really interested in animals lately. She really enjoyed trying to physically bond with my brother Tim's dog, Bear, when we were visiting him in Seattle. Unfortunately, her affection was unrequited. Bear was very calm and good, but just wasn't into being mauled by a baby.

"Wait! Where are you going?" "Away. From you."

So she had fun climbing on Uncle Tim instead.

Magical Green Shoes

2010-06-08T20:08:00.001-07:00

My sister works in the children's shoe department at Nordstrom and bought these for Miette a while ago. You can't quite tell in these pictures, but they are about twice the size of her feet so she won't really be able to wear them for another year or so. When we were in Seattle, I discovered Miette grasping for them - just beyond her reach on the dresser - during more than one nap-time. We let her play with them for a while but told her she couldn't bring them home just yet...